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Ways to Prevent an Unhealthy Relationship

 

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”  —  Benjamin Franklin

 You meet someone you describe as the love of your life.  Instantly there is chemistry.  Butterflies.  Time flies when you’re together.  You long for him when he’s away.  It is a beautiful beginning. And then little by little things begin to change.  Instead of butterflies you now have a knot in the pit of your stomach. Nothing you do seems to get you back to your beautiful beginning.  Finding yourself in an unhealthy relationship can cause a tremendous amount of stress, to say the least. There are some things that you can do to help you avoid being in an unhealthy relationship.

Here are some preventive measures:

Know what you want in a relationship – I believe that we should take some time to do some planning – where a relationship is concerned.  No, I’m not saying you should plan love.  Love is love all by itself.  What I’m saying is that you should have a conversation with yourself about your desires, your likes and dislikes.  What are your values? What do you value? Knowing these things should play a role in deciding who you will allow in your life as a mate.

Set standards and boundaries – Decide what your deal breakers are. And for deal breakers do not waiver. Answering the questions about your values can be a start to knowing what your deal breakers are.  Let me give you a couple of examples:  Some people believe that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child.  For those people, being in a relationship with someone who believes that children do not need any form of discipline may not work so well – especially if planning to parent children together.  Instead, they may choose to be in a relationship with someone whose beliefs about discipline of children are similar or at least complement theirs.  Another example: You may choose to be in a monogamous relationship.  If a potential mate wants to be in an “open relationship” – that would be a deal breaker.  Take some time to think about what your deal breakers are.

Improve communication skills – What are you really saying?  Effective communication occurs when we both understand each other. So often, people take this for granted.  Be specific. Say what you mean. And by all means – your actions should reflect what you’re saying.   To really express yourself effectively about your desires – you must first know what it is you want (reference –  Know what you want in a relationship).  Good communication skills include being attentive to the other person, having good eye contact, and expressing genuine concern for what someone has to say.  How many times have you heard someone ask or perhaps you’ve asked this,”Why won’t he call me back?”  Communication is not always verbal.  It is non verbal too.  Pay close attention to what is being said as well as what not being said.

Listen to what your gut is saying – Many times after experiencing a problem or dilemma, you hear someone say, “I had a feeling this wasn’t going to work.”  But yet they seem to go forward with it anyway. Listen to that feeling that you get that makes you uncomfortable about a choice you’re about to make.  Being anxious about a new experience is one thing.  Feeling uncomfortable is another.  If this should happen to you  – take pause.

Take pause – Don’t be in such a rush.  Take time to think, to reflect. take some time to make observations.  If it seems too good to be true – well you know the rest

Nothing is absolute and we cannot see the future.  There is no crystal ball to look into and see what is to come.  And sometimes despite our best efforts, time changes, people change, and things happen.  Sometimes our good intentions don’t always pan out.  No matter what the situation, we can start where we are.  We can begin to make some positive changes.

In my next post, I’ll share with you some warning signs of an unhealthy relationship and ways to deal with them.  See you soon and remember to share with a friend! Oh, and I’d love to hear your comments!

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  • http://www.alzheimerscaregivercoach.com Anita G. Houser

    You have some great nuggets here…leading off with “knowing what you want in a relationship”. So many people never really stop to ask themselves this. If they did, they'd come to find what they want goes far beyond the image/packaging. Imagine if this stuff was taught to our youth growing up! Hmmm, I'm envisioning a Rita and Warnella seminar in the future? Hey, you never know. Did you catch Dr. Michael Beckwith's call last night about “Healing Relationships”?